When I wrote Part 1, I didn't expect there to be a Part 2 but then I talked to my dad this morning and that is always thought provoking. Preface this with: my dad has been a cop for 37 years and has more often been the responder when people are at their worst than when they are at their best. I discussed judgement with him and the blog post I wrote last (I wrote it yesterday and posted it today). He told me that he thought of me the other day during an arrest for an attempted burglary because of the difficulty he found in not judging the man. The man was an intravenous drug user, and claimed that he was clean and did not have anything on him, however the officers making the arrest found needles hidden in his clothing. The officers did not want to fingerprint the man, they did not want to touch him or deal with him, he was disturbing to them. After telling me about this my dad said he could not avoid judging this man, and this made me see how each different position that a person takes in society affects the way they see a stereotype or situation.
As a staff member at a wet shelter (meaning one can be intoxicated or high if they are staying with us, but cannot use while in the shelter), I stated that I have seen people at their best and worst. However, as a cop, my dad doesn't see people at their best. When cops see a drug user, it's not while they are having a cup of coffee and talking about the job they used to have and the job they want in the future, it is when they are getting caught using or in this case, attempting a crime. So I started to look at it in a broader sense, more basic stereotypes. As many things go, it is on a case by case basis.
A common stereotype of people that are homeless is that they are all alcoholics or lazy, which I can clearly see in my endeavors is NOT true at all. A common stereotype of people that are arrested is the same, that they are alcoholics or drug addicts just trying to get a fix, and my dad can attest to the fact that that is also not the case. So although he believes his judgement cannot cease when he is arresting a practicing drug user committing a burglary, he is really just observing another of the MANY parts of the population he works with on a daily basis. We used to stop at Dunkin Donuts for coffee in the mornings on my way to school back when my dad drove me in when I was 15 and he always knew the guys sitting there. I asked him how he knew them and he said that he arrested them back 10 years ago, I could not grasp how my father could be so social and accepting of people that he knew had done things wrong. I get it now, because not everyone is the same.
I think that's where the judgement ceases, when you stop seeing everyone as being the same. When you realize that not everyone who is homeless is an alcoholic and not everyone who gets arrested is a murderer, and guess what? Even the people who are homeless that ARE alcoholics are not necessarily mean or deceitful. Some are, but some doctors and fire fighters are too. When I got braces as a kid the first orthodontist that I went to said I needed a palate expander, braces for 3 years, rubber bands, and all that fun metal kids get to make their mouths perfect. Then the next one I went to said I only needed braces, only for 2 years, no big deal. Ortho #1 seems pretty deceitful to me, and I know people in our shelter that have been arrested and addicted to drugs that are more honest and considerate.
I guess my main point here is that your perception of others can be very dependent on the state you see them in most often. Cops don't get calls when someone goes into treatment for cocaine use or because a recovering alcoholic hasn't had a drink in 76 days, they get calls when someone is selling or buying cocaine or when an alcoholic goes off on their neighbor for not bringing their recycling bins up the driveway after a few drinks. Cops are the first responders when things go wrong, here, we are the first responders when things go wrong AND when they go right. See what I mean?
-Jackie
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Thursday, January 26, 2012
Judgement Part 1
I know this is super cliche, but something that has been on my mind a lot lately has been judgement. Actually, it's more like how your judgement of a person or situation can change without your really noticing. I don't know where in the past 7 months my judgement here disappeared, but it wasn't an "AHA!" moment by any means. I'm going to be harshly honest right now, forgive me, but when I began this term I had perceptions and stereotypes pertaining to the guests staying with us. I didn't assume everyone was an addict or a convict, but those that were kind of shocked me. I had never met anyone who used serious drugs or had committed a felony, and I guess there was an undefined negative label associated with that.
We hear our whole lives "people never change" so when I met someone who had gone to prison for dealing drugs, I assumed that even if they changed that action, their values stayed the same. I took a class in college titled "The Global AIDS Pandemic" and one day our professor made a statement and asked us to split to different sides of the room if we agreed or disagreed. The statement was: "The government should provide needle exchanges to intravenous drug users." You know what I did? I sat in the middle of the room, so torn between my personal values and the safety of others. My stance was; I don't support or defend the use of illegal drugs, but if people are going to use them, I'd rather them avoid contracting HIV/AIDS. So is needle exchange encouraging the use of intravenous narcotics? Or is it defending the lives and safety of our citizens and neighbors?
The conclusion that I've come to in the past 7 months is...why does it matter? As I stated, I personally do not support or defend the use of illegal drugs, but what is judgement? “We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” (Paulo Coelho). Judgement is seeing your path as the only right one. I cannot teach or tell you how to cease judgement, I think it comes with allowing others to be who they are and helping them be who they want. If that makes any sense at all.
At the Hospitality Center, we've seen people at their best, but we've also seen them when they hit rock bottom. When someone decides they want to become sober, it is very rare that they can quit their addiction on the first try. When you teach a child to walk (which I've never done, so this may be completely wrong) you don't give up on them if they fall the first time. Their efforts show that they want to be on their feet, right? Same thing here, when people express the desire to go to detox or rehab it means they want something better for themselves...it's almost impossible to give up on someone who values themselves like that. When you're in a situation that isn't so great for you, you typically know exactly what you have to do, it's getting the guts to do it that's hard. There's an easy way to relate, whether it's getting out of a bad relationship, giving up smoking, or simply emptying all your old inbox messages it's actually DOING it that holds you back.
Now that I'm completely off topic...let's bring it back. I was talking to a volunteer Monday night that I was training, and she asked me how I was able to look at all this in such a non biased way. I realized then that I had no idea, I don't know when it changed, or how, or why, but it changed. When I started, there was judgement in my mind and now I would say I enjoy being around 90% of our guests. I guess it's just gotten to a point where there's a separation of the person from their addiction or illness...which is exactly how it's supposed to be. Once again, getting there isn't easy. Mother Teresa said "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." and I could not agree with this more. Once you are beyond a sense of judgement, people are beautiful. I wish I could produce a step by step manual for you on how to do this, but honestly if I were to step into a different shelter in a different setting, I don't know if I would be in this same place. I don't know if I could be unbiased or non judgemental, but at least I know I could give it a chance and open my mind.
I hope all of this made sense to you, I've been having a hard time really getting into the blog lately but when I started writing today it all just floodedjumbled. If there's time later, I might write again, sometimes I get on these kicks and produce 3 posts a day. Anyway, enjoy your Thursday, and let me know if you'd be interested in providing and serving food at the shelter in February.
-Jackie
We hear our whole lives "people never change" so when I met someone who had gone to prison for dealing drugs, I assumed that even if they changed that action, their values stayed the same. I took a class in college titled "The Global AIDS Pandemic" and one day our professor made a statement and asked us to split to different sides of the room if we agreed or disagreed. The statement was: "The government should provide needle exchanges to intravenous drug users." You know what I did? I sat in the middle of the room, so torn between my personal values and the safety of others. My stance was; I don't support or defend the use of illegal drugs, but if people are going to use them, I'd rather them avoid contracting HIV/AIDS. So is needle exchange encouraging the use of intravenous narcotics? Or is it defending the lives and safety of our citizens and neighbors?
The conclusion that I've come to in the past 7 months is...why does it matter? As I stated, I personally do not support or defend the use of illegal drugs, but what is judgement? “We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” (Paulo Coelho). Judgement is seeing your path as the only right one. I cannot teach or tell you how to cease judgement, I think it comes with allowing others to be who they are and helping them be who they want. If that makes any sense at all.
At the Hospitality Center, we've seen people at their best, but we've also seen them when they hit rock bottom. When someone decides they want to become sober, it is very rare that they can quit their addiction on the first try. When you teach a child to walk (which I've never done, so this may be completely wrong) you don't give up on them if they fall the first time. Their efforts show that they want to be on their feet, right? Same thing here, when people express the desire to go to detox or rehab it means they want something better for themselves...it's almost impossible to give up on someone who values themselves like that. When you're in a situation that isn't so great for you, you typically know exactly what you have to do, it's getting the guts to do it that's hard. There's an easy way to relate, whether it's getting out of a bad relationship, giving up smoking, or simply emptying all your old inbox messages it's actually DOING it that holds you back.
Now that I'm completely off topic...let's bring it back. I was talking to a volunteer Monday night that I was training, and she asked me how I was able to look at all this in such a non biased way. I realized then that I had no idea, I don't know when it changed, or how, or why, but it changed. When I started, there was judgement in my mind and now I would say I enjoy being around 90% of our guests. I guess it's just gotten to a point where there's a separation of the person from their addiction or illness...which is exactly how it's supposed to be. Once again, getting there isn't easy. Mother Teresa said "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." and I could not agree with this more. Once you are beyond a sense of judgement, people are beautiful. I wish I could produce a step by step manual for you on how to do this, but honestly if I were to step into a different shelter in a different setting, I don't know if I would be in this same place. I don't know if I could be unbiased or non judgemental, but at least I know I could give it a chance and open my mind.
I hope all of this made sense to you, I've been having a hard time really getting into the blog lately but when I started writing today it all just floodedjumbled. If there's time later, I might write again, sometimes I get on these kicks and produce 3 posts a day. Anyway, enjoy your Thursday, and let me know if you'd be interested in providing and serving food at the shelter in February.
-Jackie
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Patience, Understanding, and Forgiveness
I wanted to write today about something that I find I don't have much of...patience...in hopes that I will come to a realization and magically inherit the patience that I see others having. I'm not referring to the patience you have (or lack) when there is an 18 wheeler passing through a yellow light in front of you on the road and you end up with the red light. I'm referring to the combination of patience and forgiveness that comes with trying to understand people.
When you listen to them, you don't have to understand or relate to what they're going through...I've never been homeless or even close to it, and I don't know what it's like to need to go to the doctor and not have insurance, but I do know that I have felt a relative degree of stress and anxiety in different situations. So when you're listening to someone, you can gauge their emotions...are they worried? Are they scared? It's much easier to understand when people react more rashly if you can relate to their emotions. They'll come back down, in fact, earlier today a woman was extremely angry that she missed a ride to a service provider and she lashed out with staff. Only moments later, she came back inside and apologized and we worked to get her another ride. It's hard to stay calm when you were relying on something important, when people miss appointments or are late for important events I get really frustrated...and yeah, sometimes I express it by shutting down with people who had nothing to do with the situation. But I just found this quote and it makes me feel better...“Patience can't be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.”
I read somewhere when I was younger that when you pray for something, God presents you with opportunities not answers. So when you pray for patience, you are handed an opportunity to practice your patience, not the patience itself. I know I need to be more patience, so naturally I am handed situations that require more patience (such as changing the font colors in the blog) than I often believe I can muster.
Along with patience comes understanding and forgiveness. In our Mental Health First Aid course back in September, Gabi and I learned about understanding people, seeing where they are coming from and validating their emotions. Emotion is real to each individual, and the feeling of being understood makes life seem less chaotic. When you find yourself able to offer others your patience and understanding, you automatically find forgiveness. This isn't to say that lashing out at staff because you fell asleep in the wrong bed is a GOOD thing, or that it's ok...it just means that if I know you weren't in a stable condition when you came in tonight and you just want to go to sleep, you're probably going to get angry and tomorrow hopefully you'll be feeling better (he was, by the way, and he apologized).
Patience also keeps us from giving up. Some cases are harder than others, some guests have no faith in themselves, and that is so difficult to stick with and move along. However, confidence, like patience, cannot be granted overnight and the more we work with them, the closer they get to belief in their abilities. The process may be longer, but it is worth it. Discussing the turnover and employment success rate of our guests today...I said that if you put out 20 applications for guests and 1 gets a job, it's a success. If you put out 20 applications and don't get any jobs, that's still a success, because it is defined differently by each person.
Being patient with yourself is a whole different story, we'll touch on it another day. For now, enjoy your rain, snow, or whatever precipitation your home accumulated. Or don't enjoy it, stay inside with a book and some coffee...I'm jealous.
-Jackie
When you listen to them, you don't have to understand or relate to what they're going through...I've never been homeless or even close to it, and I don't know what it's like to need to go to the doctor and not have insurance, but I do know that I have felt a relative degree of stress and anxiety in different situations. So when you're listening to someone, you can gauge their emotions...are they worried? Are they scared? It's much easier to understand when people react more rashly if you can relate to their emotions. They'll come back down, in fact, earlier today a woman was extremely angry that she missed a ride to a service provider and she lashed out with staff. Only moments later, she came back inside and apologized and we worked to get her another ride. It's hard to stay calm when you were relying on something important, when people miss appointments or are late for important events I get really frustrated...and yeah, sometimes I express it by shutting down with people who had nothing to do with the situation. But I just found this quote and it makes me feel better...“Patience can't be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.”
I read somewhere when I was younger that when you pray for something, God presents you with opportunities not answers. So when you pray for patience, you are handed an opportunity to practice your patience, not the patience itself. I know I need to be more patience, so naturally I am handed situations that require more patience (such as changing the font colors in the blog) than I often believe I can muster.
Along with patience comes understanding and forgiveness. In our Mental Health First Aid course back in September, Gabi and I learned about understanding people, seeing where they are coming from and validating their emotions. Emotion is real to each individual, and the feeling of being understood makes life seem less chaotic. When you find yourself able to offer others your patience and understanding, you automatically find forgiveness. This isn't to say that lashing out at staff because you fell asleep in the wrong bed is a GOOD thing, or that it's ok...it just means that if I know you weren't in a stable condition when you came in tonight and you just want to go to sleep, you're probably going to get angry and tomorrow hopefully you'll be feeling better (he was, by the way, and he apologized).
Patience also keeps us from giving up. Some cases are harder than others, some guests have no faith in themselves, and that is so difficult to stick with and move along. However, confidence, like patience, cannot be granted overnight and the more we work with them, the closer they get to belief in their abilities. The process may be longer, but it is worth it. Discussing the turnover and employment success rate of our guests today...I said that if you put out 20 applications for guests and 1 gets a job, it's a success. If you put out 20 applications and don't get any jobs, that's still a success, because it is defined differently by each person.
Being patient with yourself is a whole different story, we'll touch on it another day. For now, enjoy your rain, snow, or whatever precipitation your home accumulated. Or don't enjoy it, stay inside with a book and some coffee...I'm jealous.
-Jackie
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
updates and things
I know it's been a while since the last post, sorry about that. OIC was closed for about a week so we all had to cram into the Drop In Center which was really difficult and I was using a shelf as a desk so I did a lot of work from other places and the blog kind of fell off my radar. ANYWAY...I do have a few updates and policy changes for you all.
First, Gabi and I held a volunteer training last night for Help Desk, Front Desk, and Staff Support. We were so glad that everyone came with questions to address and I have to say that aside from everyone being really easy going and out, the best thing about the training was to hear how much our volunteers love what they do. I guess we figured that they liked it or else they wouldn't be doing it anymore, but to hear each and every one say "I really love this volunteer position" and "I love talking to the people and meeting everyone" was so fulfilling. We're lucky to have each one of you working with us, the difference you make in the guests lives is indescribable whether you fill out job applications, are the first one to greet them in the morning, or accommodate their needs for a lower bunk at the overnight. We're also so glad that YOU are feeling fulfilled and finding joy in working with the guests, that's our hope for you, so I think that means you are doing something right.
I thought I'd get you all "in the know" about our new policies during No Freeze. Since our numbers have been so high (around 70 people per night), we are sending overflow to the Drop In Center at night. We have 3 lists that people can be put on; the approved list, the wait list, and the banned list. If you are on the approved list, you either have a permanent bed or you are able to get a bed as soon as you come in (assuming there are open beds). If you are on the wait list, we write down your name and begin calling people from that list up at 8pm in the order that they arrived for any remaining open beds. If you are on the banned list, you go into the No Freeze room only. Now, since we are running out of space, instead of turning people away, we are sending anyone on the wait list to the Drop In Center for the night. If a guest knows they are on the wait list, they are to go directly to the Drop In Center at night, once they are compliant with the Housing Savings Account payments and chore hours for a couple weeks, they are typically put on the approved list and then they will go to the overnight shelter. At the Drop In for overflow, guests can utilize the couches and chairs that are already available and they can also store their belongings on shelves there instead of having concerns over their things being in a different location. Since we do not have food volunteers for overflow, guests will get soups and bagged meals as their nighttime snack.
In the past 2 days we have gotten multiple emails from individuals who want to volunteer with us, so we are very excited to be getting everyone into volunteer positions that they are interested in and looking forward too. We'll have a group coming in from Three Rivers Community College on Monday for MLK Day to help us sort through clothing donations that have been flowing in. I feel like volunteers always come to us at the perfect times, we're getting really busy and we desperately need extra help on the desk, at the shelter, and cleaning things up. So THANK YOU to each one of you who has stepped forward lately and those who continue to dedicate your time to improving lives in our community.
We have an appointment in a few minutes, so I'm going to let you go, but I'm going to try to blog again this week. I can't promise anything, but share your favorite quotes on this post because I'm really feeling doing a post that relates thoughts and ideas to the social structure of our community.
-Jackie
First, Gabi and I held a volunteer training last night for Help Desk, Front Desk, and Staff Support. We were so glad that everyone came with questions to address and I have to say that aside from everyone being really easy going and out, the best thing about the training was to hear how much our volunteers love what they do. I guess we figured that they liked it or else they wouldn't be doing it anymore, but to hear each and every one say "I really love this volunteer position" and "I love talking to the people and meeting everyone" was so fulfilling. We're lucky to have each one of you working with us, the difference you make in the guests lives is indescribable whether you fill out job applications, are the first one to greet them in the morning, or accommodate their needs for a lower bunk at the overnight. We're also so glad that YOU are feeling fulfilled and finding joy in working with the guests, that's our hope for you, so I think that means you are doing something right.
I thought I'd get you all "in the know" about our new policies during No Freeze. Since our numbers have been so high (around 70 people per night), we are sending overflow to the Drop In Center at night. We have 3 lists that people can be put on; the approved list, the wait list, and the banned list. If you are on the approved list, you either have a permanent bed or you are able to get a bed as soon as you come in (assuming there are open beds). If you are on the wait list, we write down your name and begin calling people from that list up at 8pm in the order that they arrived for any remaining open beds. If you are on the banned list, you go into the No Freeze room only. Now, since we are running out of space, instead of turning people away, we are sending anyone on the wait list to the Drop In Center for the night. If a guest knows they are on the wait list, they are to go directly to the Drop In Center at night, once they are compliant with the Housing Savings Account payments and chore hours for a couple weeks, they are typically put on the approved list and then they will go to the overnight shelter. At the Drop In for overflow, guests can utilize the couches and chairs that are already available and they can also store their belongings on shelves there instead of having concerns over their things being in a different location. Since we do not have food volunteers for overflow, guests will get soups and bagged meals as their nighttime snack.
In the past 2 days we have gotten multiple emails from individuals who want to volunteer with us, so we are very excited to be getting everyone into volunteer positions that they are interested in and looking forward too. We'll have a group coming in from Three Rivers Community College on Monday for MLK Day to help us sort through clothing donations that have been flowing in. I feel like volunteers always come to us at the perfect times, we're getting really busy and we desperately need extra help on the desk, at the shelter, and cleaning things up. So THANK YOU to each one of you who has stepped forward lately and those who continue to dedicate your time to improving lives in our community.
We have an appointment in a few minutes, so I'm going to let you go, but I'm going to try to blog again this week. I can't promise anything, but share your favorite quotes on this post because I'm really feeling doing a post that relates thoughts and ideas to the social structure of our community.
-Jackie
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